Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You are a genius and a whore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
