You're completely useless in the revolution.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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