idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
