I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
