If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
