I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
