Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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