I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
