If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
