Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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