I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
