Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
