Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
