So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
