He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
