i think i have two assholes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
