I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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