i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
