there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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