you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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