BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
