a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
