You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
