after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
