I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
