Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize