she woke up with a sticky ear
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
