Do you still have your period?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
