Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
