I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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