This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
