When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
