Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
