It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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