The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize