; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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