youre lurking in front of me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
