im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
