i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
