my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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