i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
