Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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