Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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