you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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