I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
