Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
