dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
