the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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