I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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