She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
