Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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