So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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