somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
