My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
barbara walters just said penis...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
