Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
