I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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