you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
