i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
