I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
