Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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