Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
