I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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