Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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