Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
