do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize