Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
