if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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