Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
