she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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