i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
