i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
