on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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